The incredible pressure of results day

So here I am, sat in my bedroom having another sleepless night leading up to results day.
Now I might be crazy but this day is heavily looming and with each second I find my stomach turning at the thought of opening that dreaded envelope.

This year seems so incredibly terrifying. Maybe I'm just a bit crazy and an extreme over thinker but all I can imagine is seeing those grades and being a complete disappointment to the world. My parents, friendship groups, boyfriend..

Now I know that grades aren't everything but the pressure I'm personally feeling at this very moment in time is paramount. I'm currently as stressed as I have ever been in my entire life - apart from actually sitting the exams which tore me up and left me sobbing into my pillow on numerous occasions. The strange part is that in reality I should not be at all stressed! I mean, come on, I'm on an awesome 6 week holiday where I'm spending most of my days relaxing watching films or seeing friends but its becoming unbearable.

A bit of background is necessary here I think;
I sat my GCSE's and worked my butt off to get decent grades. I mean studying for hours every night, doing excessive homework etc and in the end I achieved one A*,6 A's and 6 B's. This made me, my parents, my whole family very proud because as a youngster I really struggled with academic stuff.

Of course many would argue that 'hey, you did amazingly last year! You have nothing to worry about this time round!' But really, really?!? Are you serious?

Getting decent grades did not come naturally and saying that does not help AT ALL.
'You'll be fine Laura, stop worrying for goodness sakes.'

I'm sorry, but I don't think you can fully understand the pressure that you have created by assuming that all is going to be well and good again this year.
In a way, having good grades at GCSE, personally I've found that it suddenly increases the pressure to do good again this year. This, in turn, increases the potential amount of disappointment and shock from everyone else.

So when I say that I want to open the envelope on my own, please don't get offended. I'm purely trying to save myself from a mental breakdown if all goes to shit.

I don't know how you feel, but I care about what people think. Everyone says not too, but sometimes that is just impossible.

 Sometimes, we need to be alone, sometimes we need to be with people.

Can someone PLEASE reassure me that I'm not the only person who is feeling this right now/has felt it?

What is love?

This is a intertesting, complex topic; but lets just dive straight in...
I believe that there are 3 types of love;
1. The first type is all about loving an object or something that you own. For example I love my Iphone, I would probably be lost without it as I heavily rely on it to my disappointment...(see my last post for more information!) Yes I love it, but I'm not attracted to it and the love is not unconditional. If the phone breaks or whatever, I'm not going to love it anymore, I'll probably go and buy a Samsung, if you get the picture.
You can love this inanimate object but its not love that you could feel with a person because it has no ability to love you back.

2. So, the second type of love is the kind of love you feel for family and friends. It is unconditional and you love these people because you've spent alot of time with them and they've sculpted who you are as a person. You provide emotional support for eachother and you have the capability to forgive eachother if you make a mistake. Not like an Iphone, you're much more likely to forgive a person for their mistakes if you love them because you care about them and don't want to lose them. However this desn't mean that you're in any way attracted to them or in love with them. You love them for who they are and for everything they've done for you and they should appreciate everything you've done for them as well.

3. This third type is waaaay different to the other two. This is true love. The kind you see in Disney films between Princes and Princesses. This, obviously, can be a very nice thing, especially if the person loves you back. It can be absoluteley wonderful.
Now, I'm still pretty young and as you would expect I do not have much experience with this kind of love because of my age etc. Hopefully I've still got quite a bit of life to go where I will gain these experiences and memories. I reckon this third kind can be very beautiful. Personally, I'm only just beginning to get a taste of this.
This love originally develops as lust. Some people may call it 'love at first sight' but in my opinion its just attraction at first sight. It's not deep love because you need to spend your precious time with that person for deep love to really develop.
So it starts with attraction, like a little crush you would get in the playground as a kid. And then you get to know them, instead of just loving the way they look you start loving who they are as a person. You fall in love with the little details, and the attraction is no longer just to those sparkiling blue eyes, or those ripped abs for example. You're seeing past the outer shell of that person.
I mentioned earlier that this kind can be very beautiful but I believe that it can also be very destructive and damaging as well because it's so powerful. There are negatives to everything, nothing is perfect, life is not a movie. Some might argue that this destructive side is very painful and can ruin your life as you're in a very vunerable position which is totally understandable.
However the power and strength of the third kind, I think, can almost be seen in a positive way. For example, you're worried about what they're doing, who they're hanging out with etc and obviously that hurts because you're scared of losing that person. BUT without that slight fear, would you really love that person?
For me, I like to see it as proof, yes its okay to be jealous because it means that I'm not fooling myself. I'm not making this love up through rose tinted glasses, it's really there.


Just something that popped into my head on a walk to Sixth Form one morning. Have a good evening, thank you for reading!
What do you think? Have I got it all wrong or does this make sense?

Youtube fame

Personally, I spend waaaay too much time watching YouTube videos. They are great entertainment but perhaps not the most productive way to spend an afternoon.
Youtube has developed insanely over the past few years with big time stars such as Zoella, Alfie Deyes, Marcus Butler, Emma Blackery, Shane Dawson and Jenna Marbles making millions from a once, little video site.

Now these youtubers and many more who I can't even name in one blog post, make some incredible content which is inspiring to so many people. Vlogs whilst they seem like a really strange concept - filming your day to day life, even when you're doing nothing interesting - are literally so much fun to watch.
It's strange how as humans, we are interested in other people lives, what's in people's bags, what you do when you wake up in the morning.. All the simple little things which we all do but we enjoy having this knowledge about other people. This has been demonstrated through media before YouTube of course, such as television shows such as Eastenders or Hollyoaks which are basically tv shows documenting peoples very dramatic lives. TOWIE is another good example.

YouTubers in my opinion are incredibly brave. They put themselves on the internet, were they're exposed to millions of people with a huge spectrum of different views. Its hard to comprehend how when they first started uploading videos they were just going for it and carried on even though they may have got hate for what they were doing.
From this, many youtubers are good role models to younger generations who are growing up in a society were technology is becoming essential for success.

I don't really know where I was going with that but yeah, I just find it slightly crazy that people nowadays can make millions from holding a camera around with them wherever they go. I'm not saying its bad, its just could you ever imagine telling someone 50 years ago that you could get famous this way. Like whaaaaaat..

Society is always changing, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst. I can't be the only one who finds that kinda scary..